Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Getting Down to Business

Spring is a great time for blooming.

Anyone who knows me, or has read my blogs over time, may know that my life has been a roller coaster and a few things have been clear.
  1. I am a creative.
  2. I am a music maker
  3. I move too much
  4. I always seem to be struggling in some way
  5. I am often seeking focus, clarity and emotional healing
Throughout my life, it seems I have been gathering important skills and experiences.  They float around in my brain and entertain me with their bright colors and impressive patterns, hinting at career and financial stability.

I could watch them for hours.

For the past few weeks, I have been in MAJOR transition mode...yet again.  Having experienced humungous changes in my situation with regards to relationships and employment, I am currently considering a geographical leap of faith of gargantuan proportions.  I'm being offered an opportunity to start over in New Orleans.

Seems like I'm always starting over, most recently in Wheeling, WV, then in Jersey City, NJ.  Each time, it has been with the intention of putting down roots.  Each time, I have had dreams of creating a productive and magical reality for myself.  Each time, it has ended in uprooting and interruption of my dreams and goals, to the point that I began to doubt whether or not the lessons of my life have been any use to me, at all.  There is one lesson, however, that was just not jelling in my consciousness.  I've observed it, I've even preached it.  Much of my work is based on it.  Isn't it almost funny how we can pat ourselves on the back for knowing something that we have not fully absorbed into our realities?

Trust your intuition.

That's it.  I've spent years doing that, in small ways...but the big decisions,  unconsciously mind you, I was leaving to friends and loved ones that I believed in and respected.  It's a safety zone that I was not fully aware of.  I surrounded myself with brilliant, amazing people...and waited for them to guide me.  I told myself they were my teachers, which of course they were, but at what point do I gather the courage to strike out on my own, totally trusting to what I have learned?  For too long I have listened to fear in the form of reason.  

It's time for my courage to catch up with the person I have become, especially in the last two years.  I am more fully prepared to take on life than I have ever been.  I have more education.  I have more and better equipment.  I have a plethora of creative skills, gathered over fifty-five years of exploration.

I f*****g rock.  ( heard me)

Something happened today.  Something I'm not going to be able to explain in a little blog, but it was internal shift where so many of the sparkly lessons of my life began to come together to reveal a much clearer path to unlimited possibility.  I had a business brunch with myself.  My intention was to do a little sketching, maybe even some art journaling, but as I began to jot down feelings and ideas, I realized I was in a real brainstorming session with my Inner Guidance.  I took notes like you wouldn't believe and did not want it to end, but after probably two and a half hours and five cups of coffee, I figured The Beechwood Cafe might be needing their table back, so I paid the check, saving the receipt of course, and came back to the apartment with a brand new outlook on my future...and it looks pretty bright.

I'm still buzzing from my productive morning (and a little too much, as I gain more trust in my own abilities.  I've decided to do this on a more regular basis.  I intend to spend more time, communicating with mySELF.  I seem to get a lot more done, that way.

(c) 2012 Bettina Makley 

Monday, January 2, 2012

Word for 2012

Photograph entitled "Sailing to Freedom".  (c) 2008 Bettina Makley

I had been thinking about years past...resolutions I fought with and didn't keep.  A few years ago, I decided to keep it simple and my resolution was to "love more, complain less" which I thought was a brilliant cop-out and something I could easily keep...The Universe, however, in its infinite sense of humor, decided to test that, right away, and as I was watching the only channel we could get in Wheeling WV, with no cable, I realized they did not switch to a New Years Eve countdown!  I MISSED the COUNTDOWN to 2008!!!!  I can't begin to tell you how emotional I was about that.  I don't think, in my whole life, that had ever happened.  I wanted to call that d*** station and give it to them, good!!!  The Universe...laughing... (yes...I heard it) grabbed me by my brightly colored reins and jerked me back, playfully, of course.  For the next three years I worked on that same resolution...with some success, here and there, but that simple resolution was a lot harder to keep than I expected.

It will always be with me.

This year, as many of my on-line friends were choosing single words for the year, I started tossing words around in my head.  Nothing jumped out at me, until I was talking with my friend, Liz in Honduras.  She was in the process of choosing hers, as well.  She inspired me, in only a few seconds, to take my word a little more seriously.  When I really opened my "eyes" my word appeared.  I wasn't sure I liked it, at first.  It isn't really snappy like "Joy" or "Peace" or "Creativity" or "Growth".  A lot of really cool words popped in and out of my head...but as I watched my word float around in my brain and saw my life situations bouncing off it in so many ways, I knew it was the right one.  My word for 2012 is....drum roll please.....UNBURDEN.

Unburden is the perfect word for me, at this time in my life.  Over the Christmas holidays, I had to make a trip to Wheeling, WV, to pick up the remainder of my things.  My daughter sold her beautiful building there, where I was living, something that was very difficult, but necessary.  It had become a burden on her and in order to move on with her abundant life, she had to let it go.  My things had to be dealt with..quickly.  My plans for Christmas were made long ago and were very different, but I surrendered to the Universe and was rewarded with a lovely celebration with my new grandson, which I thought I was going to miss.  While in Wheeling, I dealt with all my "stuff", going through boxes and sending piles of stuff to the Goodwill.  I got a nasty cold, which left me weak and uncomfortable.  Michael arrived with the truck on the 26th and we spent the next two days clearing out stuff.  I got the load down so far, that I only needed a 5'x10' storage space, and there is room to spare, for some things I have here.  Now that we are home and healing, it is really beginning to sink in what a burden has been lifted.

I feel lighter...better...clearer.  I have a lot of burdens yet to go, as I still have a storage space in Florida, but now, clearing all that out seems more possible than it ever has and as I release more and more "stuff", I find I am uncovering my Soul....opening my heart...and believing in myself in unexpected ways.

Unburdening will also apply to emotional burdens, attachments and expectations of myself and of others.  I am redesigning my life to allow for more peace, love and joy (we knew those words would come in, didn't we?).

As I write all of this, I realize that the word "FREEDOM" describes the real goal for my life...the essence of my desires.  This year will be about letting go...of guilt...of fear...of imagined obligations.  It will also be about getting more monkeys off my back, accomplishing tasks...and NOT taking on ANY new ones that don't serve my purpose in creating a more balanced, centered and manageable reality.

"Unburden" describes the "act" of making myself free.  Perfect. 

Happy New Year!



(c) 2012 Bettina Makley