Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Getting Down to Business

Spring is a great time for blooming.

Anyone who knows me, or has read my blogs over time, may know that my life has been a roller coaster and a few things have been clear.
  1. I am a creative.
  2. I am a music maker
  3. I move too much
  4. I always seem to be struggling in some way
  5. I am often seeking focus, clarity and emotional healing
Throughout my life, it seems I have been gathering important skills and experiences.  They float around in my brain and entertain me with their bright colors and impressive patterns, hinting at career and financial stability.

I could watch them for hours.

For the past few weeks, I have been in MAJOR transition mode...yet again.  Having experienced humungous changes in my situation with regards to relationships and employment, I am currently considering a geographical leap of faith of gargantuan proportions.  I'm being offered an opportunity to start over in New Orleans.

Seems like I'm always starting over, most recently in Wheeling, WV, then in Jersey City, NJ.  Each time, it has been with the intention of putting down roots.  Each time, I have had dreams of creating a productive and magical reality for myself.  Each time, it has ended in uprooting and interruption of my dreams and goals, to the point that I began to doubt whether or not the lessons of my life have been any use to me, at all.  There is one lesson, however, that was just not jelling in my consciousness.  I've observed it, I've even preached it.  Much of my work is based on it.  Isn't it almost funny how we can pat ourselves on the back for knowing something that we have not fully absorbed into our realities?

Trust your intuition.

That's it.  I've spent years doing that, in small ways...but the big decisions,  unconsciously mind you, I was leaving to friends and loved ones that I believed in and respected.  It's a safety zone that I was not fully aware of.  I surrounded myself with brilliant, amazing people...and waited for them to guide me.  I told myself they were my teachers, which of course they were, but at what point do I gather the courage to strike out on my own, totally trusting to what I have learned?  For too long I have listened to fear in the form of reason.  

It's time for my courage to catch up with the person I have become, especially in the last two years.  I am more fully prepared to take on life than I have ever been.  I have more education.  I have more and better equipment.  I have a plethora of creative skills, gathered over fifty-five years of exploration.

I f*****g rock.  ( heard me)

Something happened today.  Something I'm not going to be able to explain in a little blog, but it was internal shift where so many of the sparkly lessons of my life began to come together to reveal a much clearer path to unlimited possibility.  I had a business brunch with myself.  My intention was to do a little sketching, maybe even some art journaling, but as I began to jot down feelings and ideas, I realized I was in a real brainstorming session with my Inner Guidance.  I took notes like you wouldn't believe and did not want it to end, but after probably two and a half hours and five cups of coffee, I figured The Beechwood Cafe might be needing their table back, so I paid the check, saving the receipt of course, and came back to the apartment with a brand new outlook on my future...and it looks pretty bright.

I'm still buzzing from my productive morning (and a little too much, as I gain more trust in my own abilities.  I've decided to do this on a more regular basis.  I intend to spend more time, communicating with mySELF.  I seem to get a lot more done, that way.

(c) 2012 Bettina Makley